Updated: Nov 3, 2020
These two weeks we cover Dialogue 2. This work is very challenging. It requires a deep dive into your past where you formed your limiting beliefs. Revisiting occurrences where you formed beliefs such as I’m not worthy or I’m not good enough or I am unsafe, puts you back in those original experiences. Very much like the previous module lifted me up to a greater mood, this module plunged me down to a somber mood. This course is designed so purposefully and well in that it provides you with tools in module one to lift your mood so that you have the power to shift to a higher mood during module two when you’re doing this difficult work.
It is interesting to me that the limiting beliefs I came up with three years ago are different than the ones I came up with this time around. There’s definitely a lot of overlap. But when visiting the experiences where I created these beliefs, I am visiting different experiences. I suppose it makes sense that as we peel back the layers of the onion, each layer may be similar yet different.
I am learning that these limiting beliefs run so deep within myself. As if they are a part of the blood that runs through my veins. Under the surface, barely noticeable, yet affecting my entire life. These beliefs are like lenses that we wear over our eyes. We’ve become so used to them that we don’t see them anymore. Like looking out the window. We just see what’s outside, we don’t notice the layers of the double paned window, the screen, the dust and dirt that’s on those layers. We grow used to them and they become a part of the landscape - unseen, unnoticed, yet they shape the very fabric of our lives.
Not so coincidentally this week, I experienced a significant healing in one of my familial relationships. It was almost surreal. I really saw and experienced this person’s inner child as living alone in the castle of protection built around this person to protect them from the transgressors in their childhood life. Where I had almost a hardened heart towards this person is now a deep softness and understanding that I’ve not experienced before.
I met with my two accountability partners twice since my last writing. I really enjoy these two women and I love the dynamic between us. We are three very different, strong, independent ladies fully supporting and encouraging each other. One is a free flowing single mother of three who is self employed and really stepping up to live the dream she is dreaming for herself and the other is a corporate badass boss who is realizing the power she already holds that is bringing her into the full fruition of her best life. And then there’s me! I think it’s interesting and amazing how I want to separate myself from these amazing ladies and think I’m any less than they because my story doesn’t look like theirs. But I am surrounded by greatness, which means I am that greatness too!
I’m still going strong with my morning writing and have been doing it most days. We are instructed this week to read over our writing each day when we are done to get a feel the positive and negative tones our voice takes. I have noticed I do have a judgmental sort of tone sometimes, critiquing my thoughts and actions and then asking how I can do better. Sometimes it feels “negative”, but then as I write about how I can better show up in situations, I glean towards positivity and sunny skies. This writing is really helpful in reflecting upon how I show up and in getting clear about what I actually want. Dr. Jayne says this writing is what will get me from where I am to where I want to be. I hope she is right. I really want to reach my goal.
Progress on my goal: My goal is to be active in my body, home and business. I will know I am successful by logging four actions per week in each category. Last week I logged four actions in body, and three actions each in business and home. This past week, however, I logged 2 actions in body and home and 0 in business. It certainly feels like a step backwards. But I have to remember, this is a 12 week process. We gain momentum over time. And the fact that I’m doing this work and focusing my energy and attention on it is still a win.
Meeting with Dr. Jayne and Group usually leaves me feeling great. This last week, I felt a bit low. I think it was because of the familial situation I mentioned earlier. The morning after that meeting, I experienced the climax of my healing. If you’ve done healing work, you know it is a process. The shifts I experienced in this phase of healing movement occurred over a 5 day span with our meeting on day 4. During our meetings, Dr. Jayne coached participants on their “primal wounds” and one of them shared an experience that was similar to mine. This was so valuable to me because it allowed me to really empathize with this person and to garner limiting beliefs that resonated with me that hadn’t occurred to me on my own. The people in my group are experiencing great synchronicities and advances on their goals. It is really great hearing their stories. I really feel like we support each other and we are in this together.
I’ve started looking for a place to have my retreat, and I’m really looking forward to continuing this work. Today, Dr. Jayne gave us an option of doing a 1/2 day retreat instead of a whole 48 hours. The catch is that you will be more successful if you do the deep dive of 48 hours. If I’m going through this process anyway, I want to get the most out of it. I’ll find that 48 hours!
To the new client, this week is challenging. Not only do they feel the low of scrutinizing our negative memories and reliving them, but they can also struggle finding the childhood memories and extracting the beliefs they adopted from them. After coaching with them and helping them to find the beliefs that resonate, this becomes easier. This is often an eye-opening experience, as well. Oftentimes, clients will connect the dots of what caused a belief and specifically it is playing out in their daily lives in the form of self defense or coping mechanisms.
I'm reminded that while this is NOT therapy, it IS so therapeutic!
Until next time my friends… Namaste