These two weeks we visit Dialogue #3: Discerning your external voice: the conditioned self. In this dialogue we learn all of the characteristics of that self-made part of our personality that the divine intelligence process calls your conditioned self. My favorite thing about this dialogue is the quiz to assess the most dominant traits of your self-made-self. I love quizzes that tell me more about myself then I can easily see.
There are six personality profile categories your conditioned self can fall into. They are the controller,, the critic, the avoider, the perfectionist, the pleaser, and the doubter. Essentially we all have some part of all of these categories as a part of the makeup of our conditioned self. This quiz illustrates what the dominant parts of your particular flavor of conditioning exhibits.
I am in a very interesting situation since I have taken this process before. The first time I took this quiz, my dominant personality profile was the critic followed closely by the doubter. I was very easily able to see how the critic was showing up in my life and in my inner voice at that time. I still hear the voice of the critic all too often but in taking the quiz this time around, my top personality profile is the controller followed next by the pleaser.
I find it so interesting that as I have been working on healing my past, my inner critic and doubter voice has moved down the totem pole and allowed the controller to surface. It is also noteworthy that at the time I took the divine intelligence process the first time, my significant other was the energetic equivalent to my mother, who is very much the voice of my critic. To me, it logically makes sense why the critic would be more dominant when I’m in a relationship that is very critical versus now when I am single and wanting to be more in control in my life.
Similar to dialogue 2, this particular dialogue doesn’t nurture a feeling of positivity and strength, hope and good feelings in general. It is shining the light on what is “wrong” with you. It helps illustrate how your conditioning shows up in your life and how it leads you into turmoil and negative patterns. But what it lacks in positive encouragement, it makes up for in clarity and in understanding.
With this dialogue we read an article about a pedophile that Dr. Jayne treated when she was an intern at a psychiatric facility. She goes into detail about how, when she was treating him, she separated his conditioned self mindset from his true self mindset and was able to illustrate how the things that he had done were a result of how he had learned to behave in order to cope with his extremely abusive childhood. In this article, you get a very distinct feeling that our missteps in life are merely a result of our wrong thinking that was established in childhood to keep us safe, almost like a shield of armor, and as we’ve grown up to adults, the armor no longer fits us or serves us but instead, serves to limit us and distort our lives. This part of us is so hard to see because we have been carrying it with us our whole lives. It’s like the stories you hear of people who didn’t realize they needed glasses so the world was blurry but they didn’t know it was blurry, they think that’s the way it is supposed to be. And it’s not until they put on glasses for the first time that they see what they’ve been missing. That’s what your conditioned self life is like. You think this is just how the world is, or how “you” are. It’s hard to know until you do the work. One indication is that you struggle, you may have negative patterns. Or maybe you think poorly of yourself. These are all indications of your conditioning. It will seem like the problem is “out there”, it’s just the world, or other people that is the issue.
We analyze the patterns we used as a child growing up relating to our parents. Our conditioned selves were tailored in an attempt to live harmoniously with our parents and our environments. And to keep us safe in these relationships. Safe could just mean not getting in trouble. Avoiding punishment. Or striving for attention, affection, and love. As children, we are so passionate. And the relationship we have with our parents is usually the most important one in our lives until we are teenagers when the influence of our peers takes over as most important. We were just very little people without much power trying to shape ourselves and conform ourselves to whatever we think is going to get our most basic needs met.
The coaching conversation during this time is equally challenging. The first week, we focus on the science behind what we are learning, but the second week, we do a “conditioned self interview”. It is not for the faint of heart. The interview highlights this less than fabulous part of ourselves and really gets to the inner dialogue we live that keeps us stuck in our patterns. It doesn’t feel great highlighting these parts of ourselves, but it is really eye-opening. We will exaggerate this conversation to really get a feel for how distorted our inner dialogue has become as we have outgrown our armor that is still in place. It requires a conscientious and skilled coach to support us through this challenging dialogue and remind us that this is not who we really are. This is just a manifestation of our limited thinking.
This dialogue allows participants to get really clear on what this limited part of them looks like. Knowing and understanding that when certain personality traits come out, it’s a signal, it’s a way to recognize that you are in your self-made-self. The more you see how it operates in your life, the more awareness you can bring to it. The more awareness you have, the more you can shift into something more positive, expansive, unlimited.
Progress on my goal - I am still making progress on my goal. I am completing between three and four items each week in each category, which is almost at my goal. Some of my awareness in regards to my goal is that I am noticing ways that I am active that I wasn’t necessarily considering as a win before. For example, I might go on a two hour hike and not consider it to be “physical activity”. I think I may have been equating physical activity to a total body workout with aerobic activity. Still, I am certainly becoming more active. I am seeing improvements in all three areas - I am active in my body, my home, and my business. Things are happening.